“Your kids are spoiled”

This has been levelled at me a few times by various people. Although I shouldn’t have to justify my parenting style I find that I bite every time. I explain about the educational toys, the fun toys and the outside toys, the huge craft unit the autism and the interests we have and usually people say “oh ok. That makes sense”. However a couple of people will not let it go. They know the situation but insist on telling me how great a parent their friend/relative is. How structured bed times are. How it’s one toy out at a time. How before they get new toys they have to get rid of others. How the parents are in control and telling me “you need to do (insert helpful comment here)”. I’ve taken to avoiding these people now as they obviously aren’t listening to me and have no understanding that works for one family doesn’t work for others.

The latest was going on holiday with the 2 little ones and leaving Max at home with his nana. “That’s so cruel. How can you leave him out”. I didn’t take him because he wouldn’t have liked it. After being his mum for 24 years I kinda know what he likes. That’s why we’ve booked a holiday for him with us and no little ones. A weekend away where it’s all about him. I would love to have a family holiday and we are working towards that but it’s not an option yet for a variety of reasons. It didn’t stop the comments until I said quite forcefully that none of my children get left out and we do things differently but fairly. That person hasn’t spoken to me since.

The garden is full of toys. Swing, trampoline, see saw, cars and ride on toys, sand pit-you get the picture. Between them the youngest have had ten birthdays between them and they get presents off relatives, so I think I only bought the slide as a non present. The rest were gifts from others or birthday gifts. They love the garden and can burn off energy in a safe environment. Doesn’t mean we don’t take them to the park or for walks, or for tree climbing or anything else.

The house is like a toy store but again they have Christmas and birthdays and I’m not going to get rid of things they still play with to make room. Eventually they will grow out of everything and then I will sadly get rid of it and have a grown up house 😕.

We have a good range of toys. Stuff recommended by OT like bead threading, traditional toys like wooden blocks, musical instruments, duplo, stickle bricks, Lego. All to help with creativity and building and fine motor skills. Our craft section is always being replenished as Popples is always making something or school have asked us to make things or Oliver is into creating 100 kites or go-jetter badges or whatever is his current fad. They have a tablet each too, where they have a range of games educational to fun. We have a dress up rack, princess dresses that have been given us, doctor set and pj masks. Helps with role play.

I feel I have made my point about stuff we have and also realised I’ve justified myself again! I don’t buy my kids stuff so I don’t have to play with them. I play with them all the time. I was Luna girl for three hours the other day trying to catch owlette, although we had a break to look at a bee close up and talk about it’s hairy legs. I’ve played play doh all morning “no oliver don’t eat the play doh”, I can build a passable stickle brick train, I am a good patient even though the doctors are rough and have no bedside manner. But then I get “them kids are so demanding, they should be able to play by themselves” why? Yes my house isn’t spotless, my grass isn’t always mown when it should be, yes we all have grass stains in our clothes where we’ve wrestled. I lost a few crops with the “help” I got.

Apparently my kids rule the roost. He’d sleep if I bothered getting him into a routine. Oh thanks for that, I’ve never tried a routine 🙄. “People have kids and a job and still manage everything ” good for them. “She needs telling no” does she? Does a four year old really need to hear that mummy can’t play because I’m cleaning?

They are only young for a little while so why shouldn’t I enjoy it? My husband doesn’t care, he knows the jobs get done at some point. As long as the house is still standing, he’s pretty easy going. So yes I spoil my kids. If spoiling means playing with them and reading with them and educating them. I think it’ll be a very sad day when I’m banished from the games. I wonder why people feel like they can make comments about how other families are. I mean we aren’t impacting on them so what does it matter if I’m running around doing my evil laugh? It makes the kids happy, and that’s good enough for me. I don’t want them to grow up thinking mummy never had time for them.

Oh and it’s not all store bought toys. We got a huge cardboard box and it was a boat, a car, a fire engine, a jail, a present, a tortoise and a rocket. We make tents from sheets. I think I have the best “job” in the world.

Sorry for ranting but it’s just really needled me, the judgement.

Xx

1 Comment

  1. I’m sorry people are so judgmental. Initially following Husband’s diagnosis I would try to listen to people saying ‘oh he should be able to do x y z’. Now as our second tribunal hearing is drawing near, I have come to realise that what we need is people who understand – and I have made conscious decisions now to withdraw from people who even after explaining things to them, still try to be ‘helpful’ and suggest things.
    As long as your children/my Husband are happy and healthy and safe, who’s to judge? What’s there to judge?

    Liked by 1 person

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