How can people be so mean?

Max had a placement in a park that had a café.  It was, and is, intended for adults with disabilities to provide a safe place for them to learn skills.  Life skills, relationship skills and maintenance, serving in café, cooking etc.  Each programme is tailor made to each clients abilities and what they are wanting to achieve.  They help support more able clients back to work, helping with cv’s and work focussed activities too.

Max has been there just over a year.  It’s expensive as he needs 1-to-1 care but it seemed to be a blessing when we found it so we applied for funding and got 4 days a week at a £100 a day.  It used to be run by a lovely bloke who retired a few months ago.   Max was given a programme of shopping, doing basic gardening like weeding, cleaning café tables, groundskeeping and going to into town to get used to being in the community again.  He loved it, he was happy, so we were happy.

A few weeks ago, things started to change.  It doesn’t sound much but the staff weren’t there to meet the clients on time, often rolling up, up to 15 minutes late.  Last week I had an appointment with Oliver and I went to drop Max off first.  No one to meet him so someone went down to the meeting room to get his stand in 1-to-1 as his usual one was off sick.  He came back with the message “he’s busy his mum’ll have to wait with him- he’ll come when he’s ready”  so I said I couldn’t wait as I had an appointment, and a lady member of staff sat with him when I left.  I didn’t feel very comfortable about the attitude but had to rush off.  It was only later telling the story to the husband that I started thinking about the changes I had noticed.  The clients had started waiting outside, in the rain at times rather than in the café.  Nothing was as clean as it used to be.  The table Max had been allocated after his meltdown so he could eat in peace away from the noise was still reserved and when I asked I was told he still went there for his morning brew and his lunch- it’s winter in the north west of England!

His usual 1-to-1 got in touch with me and said she wasn’t coming back.  And then proceeded to tell me why.  Horror story after horror story came out and I felt sick to my stomach hearing about the way these vulnerable people were being treated and spoken to.  Max had been shouted at by a staff member, they had taken the piss out of him and the noises he makes (he is non verbal), he’d been isolated from the group, everytime he found something he liked doing they took it away from him, his shopping visits and community visits had stopped and he was not allowed to be helped in his work focussed chores.  We had made it clear from the start he wasn’t ever going to be work focussed hence his programme of skills being designed for him.  Other clients were referred to in derogatory ways depending on their disblilites, swear words used and tasks set that they could never complete.  I asked for evidence and she sent me a text she’d received from Max’s new 1-to-1 complaining about his high pitched noises and saying she had to come back cos he couldn’t cope with him.  I felt so sick- he only makes high pitched noises when distressed so what the hell were they doing to him?  He can’t tell me.

I asked why she hadn’t said anything to me and she said she’d tried to deal with it internally but management weren’t bothered.   We decided to withdraw him .  I don’t want him somewhere he is going to be treated like a burden.  We’ve spent the last 2 days on the phone going through the proper channels to have him withdrawn and all payments stopped.  Now he has no support in place but at least he’s safe, at home with me.  What I don’t understand is how sick do you have to be to treat vulnerable people like this?  Why work at a place if you don’t like the people you’re working for?  We, and the other clients, pay these peoples wages.

My son has now lost a placement where he was happy for a year due to sick bullies.  I don’t know what’s going to happen next for us or for the centre.  I don’t know if social services will keep us informed, I know his personal budget that had just been approved is now no good.  But I know he is safe.  I know it will be hard work for me, but I know he is safe.

I have cried so much over this, how can people pick on my boy like this?  And how can they keep getting away with it?  I am sad for Max mostly, he’s lost more independence and he didn’t have much to start with.  Why can no one see that he is funny, loveable and so eager to please? Why do they have to ruin the little he has?

He has his family who love him, I hope somewhere he knows that and that now he feels safe.

 

xx

 

Oliver v’s the range rover

This morning started like most other- getting three children ready for the day, drop Popples at nursery, wrestle Oliver in the car and drop Max off at placement.  All done on time- even arrived early for school and was looking forward to Foundation Stage’s production of Jack and the Beanstalk.  We’ve had to grow beans at home and keep a bean diary, and there’s been lots of work done in school with the story being at the focus.  Oliver was part of the beanstalk and had to wave a leaf at the appropriate time.  It was going to be interesting at any rate.

So we pulled up at school and was just finishing listening to Room on the Broom before getting out.  Now I know my son is a runner and a flight risk, we had a near miss just outside the house a couple of months ago where I let go of him to put the key in the door and he ran down the neighbours path into the road.  I shouted and ran after him and got to him a second before the car did.  A couple of weeks ago he got past the teacher on the door in the morning and ran off to the Bug Hotel/outside readers corner.  Fortunately he went down that path and not the one next to it as it would have been onto the road.  Therefore I am super vigilant and hold onto him all the time when he is mobile.  Today I had him by the wrist as it was hot and he is sweaty and I didn’t want to lose my grip on him. Five steps from the gate he managed somehow to get loose and was on the road in front of a range rover who fortunately wasn’t driving too fast and I had reached him and snatched him out of the way.  He is so fast and seems hellbent on escaping and running into dangerous situations that he has no comprehension of.

Teddy’s gran saw the whole thing, she said he was fast and I did nothing wrong but its hard to feel that way when I know him and he’s in my charge.  School made me a cup of tea and had a chat about his Houdini type antics.  I watched some of the play and he was happy as anything waving his leaf.  I think Teddy’s gran got upset too, she used to work with kids like Oliver and it’s never nice to see a near accident. I use reins everywhere else but never needed them to get from the car to school.  Well that’s what you think until this happens and you think “I knew what he was like why did I not do it as a precautionary measure?” When I went to collect him after another day of “what if’s” and sweet tea I took his reins and put them on.  Whilst walking with him out of the gates he managed to get the shoulder straps off.  So I did my research and have ordered him some super strength reins designed for children like Oliver.  They weren’t cheap- nothing is when you put special needs in front of it, but they may save our lives. Teddy’s mum said this afternoon “I bet you can never relax, always waiting to run ” and I am.  I have seen Oliver watching where I put my keys, watching which key I put in the door and I know he is waiting for his chance.

I’ve tried talking about cars and squashing.  Used simple language, told him NO.  Nothing works, he doesn’t understand danger, he has no clue as to the seriousness of consequences, he thinks mum shouting “no” and him having a time out is worth it to “catch” a car.  I need to be more vigilant, and I need to stop being lulled into a false sense of security.  Lets hope these reins help- at that price they had better be good!